In the Middle of Her Night
by EmmaLynn Kay
Summary: She's a tomboy. She doesn't like to wear dresses, she doesn't like to have her hair long. Her mother's long past sick of it, but in all seriousness, it just makes Bucky's life easier. The story of Bucky Barnes and Steve Rogers. If Bucky was a girl.
1. Chapter 1

She's always been a bit of a tomboy. Ever since she can remember, she's been wearing pants and running around with the boys. Her mother hates it, but Jane Barnes simply doesn't care. She will play with the boys if she wants to. It's not like she is small and delicate either, she has what her dad calls "big bones", whatever that means.

She meets Steve when she is six years old, and he's getting picked on because of how small he is. She doesn't like it when people get picked on, so of course she stomps over to the corner of the playground the bullies have cornered him in. "Hey!" she yells, and they turn to look at her for a moment before they turn back to the smaller boy. She grits her teeth, plain tired of people ignoring her because she's a girl, and yanks one of the three boys away from the victim. "Leave him alone!" she says, and punches him in the face.

She has to admit, it feels good. So when the other two get up and turn to face her, she punches them both as well. Soon she is in the middle of a three-way fight, and she thinks she's doing okay. The first boy, who's the smallest of the three, is on the ground nursing a black eye before long, and she's feeling pretty good about herself, until she gets socked in the chin and goes straight down. The bullies stomp away, no longer interested in her or their original target, and she picks herself up slowly, turning to see the scrawny blond kid staring at her. She coughs. "What?"

"Uh..." he says, and she rolls her eyes. "Thanks, I guess."

She hauls herself to her feet. "You're welcome." She holds out a hand to help him up. "What's your name?"

"Steve," he gasps, grabbing her hand. She pulls him up without much trouble; he isn't very heavy. "My name's Steve Rogers."

"Hello, Steve Rogers," she says, "I'm Jane Barnes."

He eyes her skeptically. "You don't look like a Jane."

She shrugs. "I don't like it."

"What do you like?"

She pauses. She's never really thought about it before. What does she like to be called? Her mother calls her Jane, and her dad calls her Jan, and the boys she plays with call her Barnes. "I don't know."

"What's your middle name?" he asks, shifting awkwardly. They're just standing there, and it feels odd, so she grabs his hand and leads him to a bench.

"It's Buchanan," she makes a face and sits, patting the spot next to her so he'll sit down.

He does, frowning. "How 'bout Bucky?" He doesn't even comment on how strange it is for a girl's middle name to be Buchanan.

She nods sagely. "I like it." she says, and he smiles at her. "Hi Bucky." he says, and she giggles a little. She can tell already that they'll be friends.

* * *

><p>Bucky has been Steve's best friend from the day they met, Sometimes she feels like most of their friendship is her protecting him, but if she's honest, she doesn't really mind. She doesn't mind wading in the middle of fights that aren't really fights because Steve is so tiny, she doesn't mind helping him up and taking him to get his bloody noses bandaged. She doesn't know why she doesn't mind, she just doesn't. She knows the only reason Steve gets beat up every other day is because he can't back down from a fight, it isn't in his nature. And most of the time, he has a good reason for getting into fights. So no, Bucky doesn't mind.<p>

She is eleven when she cuts her hair short. She has figured out that people tend not to take her seriously when she's got curly brown hair down past her shoulders, so she steals a pair of scissors and she cuts it all off, short as a boy's, on her own. She has to admit, it doesn't look very good, but it's too late now to change it.

When she goes home that day, her mother lets out a shriek that could raise the dead, and Bucky claps her hand over her ears so her eardrums don't burst. Then her mother is rushing over to her, exclaiming, "What did you do to your hair?"

Bucky pushes her hands away and says grumpily, "I cut it." She likes it, too. It is as short as Steve's now, and it's in no real style, but she likes it. Maybe next time she needs it cut she'll let someone else do it, though.

"Why?" Mother demands, and Bucky can't tell if that's hurt or anger in her eyes. So she shrugs and says, "Because I wanted to." And that's all the explanation they're getting out of her, and her mother knows it, because she sighs and turns away, calling for Bucky's dad so he can fix the mess Bucky has made of her hair.

* * *

><p>By the time she's thirteen, Bucky thinks most people have forgotten she is not actually a boy. She keeps her hair short; sometimes Steve cuts it for her, sometimes her dad. Either way, it looks much better now than when she did it herself. No one calls her Jane anymore, except her mother, who is determined that one day she'll decide to be a lady. It is almost like it's not her name. It's always Bucky. And to be honest, she likes it that way.<p>

She and Steve are inseparable. They go everywhere together, and Steve spends the night at Bucky's house a lot, and despite how much her mother thinks it's strange, they are best friends and nothing will change that, no ma'am. Not Bucky's mother, not the bullies and boys who think she should talk to other girls instead of pretending to be a boy (which she doesn't, she just doesn't act like a girl, that's all), not the girls who give her weird looks when she walks by with Steve and then whisper behind their hands and she knows it's about her, but she just wraps her arm around Steve and keeps on walking.

Sometimes he asks what they say, and she tells him it doesn't matter, that they don't matter, and she punches him gently on the shoulder and rubs his blond hair. He smiles at her, and she laughs loud. Steve can make her laugh like no one else. And when she laughs, he laughs too. She likes it when he laughs. It makes her feel like everything is all right, it's all gonna be just fine, even if it is not. Even if it will never be fine.

That year Steve catches pneumonia.

She goes over to his house every day after school and looks after him. Mrs. Rogers smiles every time she sees Bucky at the door, and she opens it wide, letting Bucky run to the bed where Steve lays. She sits at his side and she reads to him, she tells him stories that she's made up (and he tells her that they're good, that she could do this for her whole life, but she doesn't think so), she tells him about her day. He insists that she bring him their schoolwork, so she does, anything to make Steve feel better. That's when she first realizes that she will do anything for Steve Rogers. Anything.

The pneumonia doesn't get any better, only worse, and Bucky worries nonstop. Her grades slip, and she can't concentrate in class. She spends every moment she can at Steve's side. When she's not with him, she worries even more. Her parents are anxious, but they know that keeping her from Steve will only make it worse, so they let her go over to his house. Her mother talks to Mrs. Rogers while Bucky reads to Steve from books that are too complicated for her to understand.

Steve was weak already weak before the pneumonia, but now he is even weaker. He coughs a lot, and he's so pale. He doesn't speak much, just lets Bucky do all the talking. But as the weeks go on, she doesn't have so much to talk about. She's run out of books to read to him, and her mother won't take her to the library for more. She doesn't know it, but she is just as pale as Steve is, just as shakey. Her mother starts limiting the time she spends at Steve's, hoping that being apart will force Bucky to be normal. It doesn't, but there's nothing she can do about it.

It's months before Steve recovers, and that's after he gives everyone a scare. His mother was afraid he would die, and so was Bucky. The day he is well enough to sit up and talk, Bucky goes over to see him as soon as she can. He's propped up against his pillows, a newspaper spread on his lap. He smiles a little as Bucky comes in, and she finds that she has to restrain herself from running to hug him. Instead she smiles at him. "Hi Steve." she says. Steve smiles back.

"Hi Bucky."

* * *

><p><strong>So this happened.<strong>

**This is ****_not _****connected to Flower of Poison or the Danger series as a whole, it is it's own little pile of weirdness. This version of Bucky has been living in my head for a while. So, anyway, I hope you liked it!**


	2. Chapter 2

Steve is so clueless around girls that it's almost laughable.

It's been three years since the pneumonia scare, and Steve is still, unfortunately, sickly. He is perpetually skinny, and Bucky's been taller than him for years now. And Bucky is quite tall, five feet seven inches tall, to be exact. Her dad likes to say that she gets her height from him, as her mother's family is short. She sees nothing wrong with being so tall. To her, being tall means that she can protect Steve better. He still needs protecting, sometimes, when he's defending other people who are small, when he gets picked on people for what he believes. And always Bucky's there to finish what he's started, to pick him up off the ground one more time.

But watching him try and fail to talk to girls, especially pretty ones, makes Bucky crack up, doubling over with laughter, only to wipe the smirk off her face and apologize for him as soon as he's gone. She finds it funny that the only girl Steve's comfortable around is Bucky herself. She's tried to set him up before, always making sure that she's within arm's reach in case he needs rescuing (which he often does), but they never work out.

Bucky's been told that she could be pretty, if she tried to look like a girl. She's not sure if she should take that as an insult or not, though. She does not like being judged by the standards for girls her age, and likes even less being told that she should be like other girls. It makes her feel pressured and caged, and who would like that feeling?

Her main defence is to ignore people. It's what she always does; just pretends they don't exist. It makes it easier for her.

Easier to do what, she sometimes doesn't know.

* * *

><p>Steve wants to join the army.<p>

His dad fought in the Great War, like everyone else's dad, and Steve has this idea that he can be a soldier and "fight bullies", even though he's so weak. Bucky thinks he's crazy, and she tells him so. He doesn't listen, of course. So eventually she gives up.

At sixteen, they're supposed to decide what they want to do with their lives. But Bucky has no idea. She doesn't want to be a housewife, and that's pretty much all women are good for, according to her teacher. That comment led to a very heated discussion on the abilities of women that ended up with Bucky in the principal's office and her teacher with a bloody nose.

When she brings up her "what-do-I-do-with-my-life" dilemma to Steve, he tells her what he told her three years before: "You could tell stories."

Bucky makes a face. "What, like be an actress? No way."

"No, no," Steve looks up at the sky, thinking. They're walking down the street on a Saturday morning, and Bucky looks at him curiously. "I mean writing. Like books or something."

Bucky tilts her head. "Maybe..." She nudges Steve in the shoulder. "What about you?"

"I don't know..." Steve says. He grins at her. "I gotta think 'bout it."

Bucky grins back and loops her arm through his, pulling him with her as she jogs down the street.

* * *

><p>Steve's mom dies when they're eighteen.<p>

* * *

><p><strong>I'm so sorry this is so short! I'll have the next chapter up soon.<strong>


	3. Chapter 3

Sarah Rogers' funeral is the first time in twelve years that Bucky wears a dress. It's long and has a full skirt, and, of course, it is black. When she looks in the mirror, the images don't match up. She sees a young woman dressed for a funeral, but she also sees the face she's gotten used to seeing, with close-cropped hair and freckles. It is odd and she doesn't like it. She turns away and puts on her shoes.

It's a quiet, small service. Bucky watches Steve throughout. She's worried about him. He's always had his mother there for them, always. And while she'll still be there, she can't take her place. She wouldn't _want _to.

After the service, her mother brings up the idea of driving Steve to the cemetery. But he is nowhere to be seen.

* * *

><p>Bucky catches up to him later, at his apartment building. She's holding her shoes, a pair of pumps her mother lent her, in her hands, winching as her feet crunch across the road. Steve looks dejected, his shoulders slumping. A pang of sadness accompanied by something else hits her in the chest.<p>

"We looked for you after." she says, walking alongside Steve as he walks up the stairs to his apartment. "My parents wanted to give you a ride to the cemetery."

"I kinda wanna be alone." Steve says.

She won't let him get away that easily. "How was it?"

He doesn't look at her at all. "It was okay," he answers noncommittally. Bucky falls behind him as they continue. "She's next to Dad."

"I was gonna ask," she starts, trying not to lose her nerve. What is wrong with her today?

Steve stops in front of the door to his apartment, turning slightly. "I know what you're gonna say, Buck, I just..." His voice says that he doesn't want to talk about it, but Bucky won't leave him alone, not today.

She leans up against the door frame, forcing him to look at her. "We can put the couch cushions on the floor, like when we were kids," she says. She really doesn't know why she wants this so bad. All she knows is that she cares about Steve, and wants him to be safe. To be okay. And he's not going to get that on his own. He searches in his pockets for his keys while she says, "It'll be fun, all you gotta do is just shine my shoes, maybe take out the trash." She steps away, to where she knows the spare key is. She's joking with him, hoping he'll take the bait.

She knocks over the brick with her bare foot and picks up the key, She hands the key to him. "Come on," she says, practically begging now.

"Thank you, Buck." Steve says, looking up at her. "But I can get by on my own."

Bucky sighs, "Thing is," she looks away for a second, thinking, "you don't have to." She doesn't want to tell him that he _can't _get by on his own. That would crush him. She steps forward, puts her hand on his shoulder. "I'm with you till the end of the line, pal."

Steve looks up at her with those sad blue eyes, and she bites her lip. "I'll come by tomorrow." she says as he turns back towards the door, and he nods absently and lets himself in.

* * *

><p><strong>Look, you get a recognizable scene! I'm very sorry that this tool a while to upload, my workload is huge with school and working five hours most nights. I'd really appreciate some reviews, and I know Bucky would too!<strong>


	4. Chapter 4

Sometimes Bucky can't stand Steve.

Not to mean that she doesn't like him or doesn't want him around, it's just that sometimes, _sometimes, _she wishes he could go two days without getting beat up. Oh, she's still there for him, she still picks him up off his feet and bandages his wounds, like she always has. She would never leave Steve, not for the world.

Besides, his righteousness is one of the reasons she likes Steve so much. Over the years, she's lost her belief in people, in anyone but him. But Steve reminds her that not everyone is a money-seeking jerk. He gives her hope for the future.

* * *

><p>People are starting to talk about war. Steve follows the news avidly, marking the German's every move. Bucky can care less. It isn't like she'd be able to fight if there was war, She's only a girl, a young woman now, much as she may look and act like a man. Everyone in the neighborhood knows who she is, knows she's a girl. She doesn't try to hide it.<p>

However, out-of-towners are fun to fool. She can fool lots of people who know nothing about her into thinking that she's a man. It isn't that hard, especially with Steve treating her like one. It makes her laugh, and it makes Steve laugh, and when he laughs, she feels like nothing could ever go wrong.

So of course it does.

In Nineteen-Thirty-Nine, war breaks out in Europe. America isn't getting into it, according to the President, It still makes Bucky anxious. The idea of war, fighting...she doesn't quite know what to think about it. Part of her longs for war, the chance to teach them a lesson, but part of her wants to stay home. But what would she do if she stayed? Sit and worry, and be exactly who and what she's never wanted to be?

* * *

><p>It's been two years since the beginning of the war. Bucky has a job in a factory, and she shares an apartment with Steve. They have shared this shabby apartment for nearly three years now. Some people - like Bucky's mother - think that their remaining closeness is odd, but as before, Bucky doesn't care. It's December now, and the snow has begun to pile up. Steve stays in most of the time, on Bucky's insistence, because she doesn't want his already awful health to get worse.<p>

She wades through the snow in the early morning of December seventh. The night shift is grueling, and Bucky hates working it, but she has no choice if she wants to see Steve at all. She runs up the narrow, exposed stairs, the wind biting at her skin. She hates winter, hates it so much. She wants to leave New York, move to somewhere warmer, but Steve loves it here. He won't leave for the world, no matter how many asthma attacks he has because of the wind, no matter how many times he gets sick because of the awful weather. Bucky has tried to convince him to leave, but he won't listen to reason. He's stubborn, and so is Bucky.

Bucky shoves the snow off the doorstep, knowing one thing about her best friend: he isn't awake yet. Smiling, she sticks the key in the lock, hiding the brown paper bag she stopped for on her way home under her coat. Pushing open the door, she calls his name, moving quietly through the apartment. He doesn't answer, which would be worrying if Bucky didn't know that Steve is a heavy sleeper. She cracks open the door to his bedroom, peering in. He lays curled up in the middle of the bed, sleeping.

Bucky smiles wickedly and moves to the desk, turning on the lamp that sits there. With the pale yellow light filling the tiny room, she sits on the edge of Steve's bed, shaking his shoulder gently as she puts the bag on the floor. "Wake up, Steve." she whispers.

It only takes a minute for him to wake, sitting up and rubbing his eyes. "Hey Buck," he says, his voice raspy. "Is something wrong?"

She nudges his shoulder. "No. Does something have to be wrong?" She doesn't let him answer, instead reaching down to grab the bag. "Look what I've got."

He takes it from her, turning it over in his hands. "It's not my birthday."

"It's an early Christmas present." Bucky says. She looks down, not sure if she should tell him that this is the only one she is going to be able to get him this year. Her job doesn't pay much, and her parents aren't giving her any extra money. This is all she can afford. She pushes it out of her mind, turning her attention back to Steve. "Open it." she tells him, her smile coming back.

Steve smiles back at her, humoring her, and opens the bag, pulling out his gift: a leather-bound sketchbook. It's not very big, but it's perfect for Steve, who draws at every opportunity. He sketches anything that catches his eye, from a flower bed to a street sign to people. He looks up at her. "Thanks, Buck." he says with a smile. "I love it."

Bucky hugs him. "I know you do, punk." she tells him. "Come on, breakfast isn't going to make itself."

As they make scrambled eggs together, although it's mostly Steve, because Bucky can't cook well, Steve turns the radio on so they can listen to the news. Bucky would prefer to listen to music, but all the radio plays now is news, so she can't argue about it.

"Early this morning," the announcer says, "The port of Pearl Harbor was bombed."

Bucky drops the pair of plates she's holding, and there's a severe sizzling on the stove that most likely indicates that their breakfast has slipped off the pan. She turns to look at Steve, whose eyes are wide with shock. "Oh my god..." she mutters.

* * *

><p><strong>Look, history! I am so sorry it took so long to get this up, I've had a lot of stuff going on lately. I really hope you all enjoy it! Please let me know what you think, or if you have any questions.<strong>


	5. Chapter 5

**I am so sorry that this took so long. I was having trouble writing it, and I'm also doing NaNoWriMo (or trying to), so that takes up a lot of my writing juices. So, if anybody's still reading this: here it is!**

* * *

><p>"Just come with me Buck, please."<p>

Bucky turns to stare at him, squinting at his face to make sure he hasn't suffered any brain damage. "Steve, I can't go enlist with you." she tells him, "I'm a woman, in case you haven't noticed." Which is a real possibility with Steve, the fact of her gender could have completely slipped his mind.

Steve sighs and looks at the ground. "Please, Bucky?" he says, and Bucky knows he's begging, he's pulled this trick on her before, but she also knows that she can't deny him. She's never really been able to say no to Steve.

And she can't deny it: she kind of wants to fight. After America entered the war, after the bombing of Pearl Harbor, she felt the desire to show the Axis Powers what Americans can do. So when she rolls her eyes and slings her arm around Steve's shoulders, smiling and saying, "Sure Steve. I'll go with you," she isn't quite sure why she's at all surprised with herself.

* * *

><p>They don't stay in Brooklyn. Instead, for the simple reason that no one knows them there, they go to a town about twenty or so miles away. Bucky drives, and has to stop herself from hunching over and scratching at the flimsy cloth holding back her chest. This is one of those times where she wonders why she agreed to this. This is an awful idea. Why on earth is she doing this?<p>

She glances over at him, sitting in the front seat, and remembers why she's doing this. For him. Her best friend.

* * *

><p>It goes better than she expected. She actually gets away with pretending to a man with the name James Barnes, much to her surprise. On the way home, she dismantles her disguise, shaving off the restrained feeling she's had to deal with for the last five hours. Steve looks pointedly away.<p>

"What'd they say?" she asks after several minutes of silence. She glances over at Steve briefly. He hunches in his seat, his head drooping. "Not good, huh?" she guesses, returning her attention to the road before she loses control.

"Nah," Steve says. He lifts his head, and when he speaks, she can tell he's making an effort to be cheerful. "It's not that important."

Bucky laughs, the sound filling the car. "Not important? Where's my best friend, because he'd never say a thing like that."

Steve laughs with her, but when she looks over at him again, that sad look is back on his face, and she knows he's not done with this.

* * *

><p>She gets the letter months later. It's summer, and Steve's not home, but Bucky is. The letter is addressed to Mr. James Barnes, not Jane Barnes, but it doesn't take long for Bucky to figure out what it's all about. She rips it open hurriedly, almost tearing the paper as she yanks it out of the envelope.<p>

It doesn't take her long to read the letter. It turns out that her little disguise worked. She hasn't thought it would, she only did it for Steve.

Steve. She has to find him and tell him. He's either going to kill her or hug her. She's not sure which one she wants.

* * *

><p>She finds him much later. She'd had to stop first to get her orders, and they're not ones she's happy about. She's in uniform, disguised. But Steve will recognize her.<p>

He's in an ally, getting beat up again. Bucky doesn't know what he's done this time, and she doesn't need to know. She just steps in, lifts up the other guy by the back of his collar, and punches him around the face. "Go pick on someone your own size." she tells him as she throws him out of the ally. He runs off, not looking back. Good riddance, she thinks.

"I had him on the ropes," Steve says from behind her.

She turns slowly, a smile on her face. "Sure you did," she agrees jokingly.

She sees his face when he realizes what she's wearing. His mouth drops open and his forehead creases in that adorable way of his. "What..." he doesn't get to finish the sentence, because Bucky interrupts.

"Got my orders this morning," she tells him, "I report for training tomorrow."

Steve looks down. "Oh," is all he says, and Bucky sighs. She doesn't want it to be like this, she wants the opposite of this. She slings an arm around his shoulder. "Hey, we got one night to have fun." she tells him. "I got you a date, and we're gonna have fun."

"Where are we going?"

Bucky hold up a flyer. "The future."


	6. Chapter 6

**Warning: This chapter contains mentions of torture/human experimentation. If that makes you uncomfortable, skip over this, please.**

* * *

><p>She never realized how hard war is. She wet, she's cold, she's tired, and she is pretty sure she's got a cold, at the very least. Plus, she's tired of hiding her identity. It's more difficult then she thought it would be.<p>

She hated having to leave Steve. He's her best friend (she is his only real friend), and she misses him like crazy. Last she saw him, he was going to try enlisting. _Again._ It would be what, the third time? Fourth? She doesn't know why he keeps trying; it's pointless. But that is one good thing. She knows that he is safe. Safe, even though she isn't there for him.

* * *

><p>It's the middle of the night, in hilly country that gives Bucky panic attacks because she can't tell where hardly anybody is. That's another problem with this war. She's never had panic attacks before, and now they're a nightly occurrence.<p>

She peers over a ridge, watching the enemy crawl over the ground like ants. A man, Dugan, drops down beside her, pulling her back behind the ridge before she can be shot. "There are too many of them!" he shouts at her, and she nods.

"I know!" The screams of dying men echo in her ears, even after they are silent. She leans up again, straining to see what is going on. What she sees...

"What the hell is that?" she asks, causing Dugan to crouch next to her. The enemy soldiers - they have new weapons. They fire things that look like bolts of blue light, bolts that disintegrate men where they stand. Bucky's eyes widen as she watches.

"We can't do anything against that, Barnes!" Dugan yells in her ear. Of course he's right. Dugan is often right, Bucky's learned that. So when she yells, "RETREAT!" at the top of her lungs, she knows that they won't argue. There's no other way around this. No other way.

* * *

><p>They end up getting captured, their entire unit (<em>all of them, every single one of them)<em>. Bucky is surprised that they are not killed; instead they are taken to a huge facility out in the woods. There are more prisoners there (_oh God so many prisoners she feels like she has to do something)_, and Bucky's unit just racks up the numbers.

Everyone is terrified, and Bucky doesn't find out why for days. Then a French man tells her that they're taking people out of the groups, and once they are taken, they don't come back. Another man, a black man named Gabe, understands German, and he says that the soldiers are saying something about experiments. To tell the truth, she would rather not know, now that she does (_the awful things they could be doing, she can't think about it, not now not ever)_. She doesn't want to be in this war anymore, but she has no choice.

She's not really surprised when they take her. She should have known it was coming. She does not know how they choose which prisoners to take, but she's sure there's a reason. They drag her far from the rest of the prisoners, to a small hallway. She is pulled into a room containing little more than a flat table. Bucky is smart enough to know that it's a lab table (_what are they going to do to her she can't get out help)_, and she starts hyperventilating. A man's voice says something in German and she is pushed onto the table, strapped down, gagged.

She doesn't know why at first until she starts screaming.

* * *

><p>She can't feel anything. Her body is numb from the pain. The pain that never leaves. It nags at the back of her mind, but she has shut down. She can't move, she doesn't want to move (<em>get up you stupid girl, get up)<em>. She doesn't want to think, either, but her thoughts are all she has. There are also the voices, the voices that talk to her; sometimes she can understand them, sometimes she can't (_it's a different language, he's not speaking English, of course she can't understand)._

She thinks that she is shaking. Is it cold? It shouldn't be cold. But she feels like it is, and she can feel the straps digging into her wrists.


	7. Chapter 7

She can hear something. Something that isn't exactly screaming and is not quite speaking. Yells. Men cheering. That doesn't make sense. The men who come in here never cheer. They don't talk much at all, really. Except for that one.

It is a few minutes later when the door bursts open. She starts chanting, repeating the numbers and words she vaguely remembers being told. It must have been a long time ago. A man is rushing towards her, a big man, blond. She closes her eyes, screws them shut tight (_no not now not today she can't she won't let you touch her)_, and is surprised when she feels her bonds come undone. Strong hands propel her upwards, taking care of her chest, as a voice she knows better than her own is saying, "Bucky?"

Her eyes fly open at the sound of her name and she takes in the appearance of the man before her and she can't help but think that he is right and wrong at the same time. "Steve?" she gasps. But it can't be Steve, he is back in Brooklyn, taking his art classes and maybe with a job, he is safe. But the man smiles, says, "Yeah, Buck, it's me."

She frowns. "Steve?" (_it can't be him how can it be him?)_

He nods. "I thought you were dead." he says as he helps her off the table. He is careful with her, as if he knows what she's been through, as if he knows of the pain that has returned.

She huffs out a breath in lieu of a laugh. "I thought you were smaller." she returns. She winces as her feet touch the ground, but she's glad that she is still wearing her boots. Steve pulls a leather jacket around her shoulders, and she looks at him curiously before looking down. Her shirt is gaping open, cut down the middle from the collar to her stomach. She buttons up the jacket.

"What happened to you?" she asks as Steve leads her through the abandoned hallways. She can't take her eyes off him.

He smiles back at her. "I joined the army."

"Did it hurt?" She has to jog to keep up with him now (_this is so wrong she has to be dreaming)_.

"A little."

"Permanent?"

"So far."

She would ask where all the men are (_the men who do awful things to her)_, but the shouting from outside answers that for her. They come across a bridge suspended above a burning factory floor. Bucky hadn't known her prison was a factory. Two man block their way across the bridge; one tall and thin with a sharp-looking face, the other shorter and with glasses. The second man leers at her and she shrinks back behind Steve.

"Captain America," the taller man spits. "How exciting. I am a great fan of your films." He takes a step forward and she grabs Steve's arm. This man is bad news. "So Doctor Erskine managed it after all."

The name is unfamiliar to her (as is Captain America, what is Steve _thinking?)_, but he must have been important to Steve, based on his reaction. The man continues, and Bucky wants to punch him in the face as he says, "Not exactly an improvement, but, still. Impressive."

"You have no idea," Steve answers.

"Haven't I?" The man takes yet another step forward. Steve shifts, and she moves to lean against the railing. "No matter what lies Erskine told you, I was his greatest success." To her horror, he reaches down and begins pulling at his neck. He pulls upward, revealing a shiny, red head (_good god what is going on this is nothing that she was ever prepared for)_.

"You don't have one of those, do you?" Bucky asks, pressing her stomach into the rail so she won't throw up. Steve looks back at her, and she sees a flicker of worry (_he is worried for her when she should be worried for him) _cross his face before he turns back to the red-faced man.

"You are deluded, Captain." He calls across to them. "You pretend to be a simple soldier, but in reality you are just afraid to admit that we have left humanity behind."

She does not listen to what he says after that, refusing to acknowledge anything this man with a red face says. She starts paying attention, however, when the men leave and the bridge retracts. There is no way across and it's not hard to tell from Steve's expression _(shocked and broken how much has he been through?)_ that their only way out was across that bridge. Steve finds a beam stretching across the space, and pulls the railing away (_how long has he been able to do that who is this man?) _"Let's go," he says, turning to look at her, "one at a time."

He gestures for her to go first, and she doesn't want to because her instinct, honed through years of protecting him, is to let Steve go first, to get him to safety before herself, because he is more important than her _(he will always be more important, he's the one that matters)_. But she steps up onto the beam, her legs shakey from who-knows-how-long of unuse, and begins to inch across. It is slow going, though it feels even slower to her, as slow as a snail inching its way across the railing on a house. She almost falls, halfway across, and she lets out a very unmanly shriek. She steadies herself, though, and continues across.

She's almost there when it decides to give. She lunges for the railing on the other side and just manages to grab on before the beam collapses, falling to the factory floor below (_she almost __**died**_ _she could be dead right now)_. She hauls herself over the railing, banging her still-hurting body against it as she does. When she regains her feet, she turns back to Steve, who is standing in the gap where the beam used to be.

"Find a rope or something!" she yells desperately to him (_he must get over here she can't lose him)_. There has to be another way across this stupid thing, and she is going to find it if it kills her.

"No, just go get out of here!" Steve says, waving for her to leave him. She can't leave him. Not again. She will not leave him alone again (_not again never again nonono), _she _can't _leave him. She's pretty sure it would kill her if she does. So she shouts back across the chasm: "Not without you!" She thinks there are tears in her eyes, but damn it if she cares.

Steve backs up, and yells for her to do the same. It's not hard to get the message (_he's going to jump he's crazy)_, and she does, pressing herself against the wall. He backs up too, takes a running start, and Bucky can't believe it, but he's actually jumping across the gap. He lands heavily just in front of her, and she pitches forward, her hands reaching out as if to catch him. She realizes too late that he doesn't need her help anymore, but he looks up and smiles at her and she knows it's okay.


	8. Chapter 8

When they come out of the factory-prison, Bucky is greeted by a yell of "BARNES." Dugan is running towards her across the yard, his face streaked with dirt. He stops a few feet short of her. "We thought you were dead," he tells her (_she should be dead)_.

"Well, I'm not." Bucky says, putting on the mannish voice she uses around the men _(ignore the fact that she's exhausted and feels so wrong)._ "So let's get out of here."

* * *

><p>The walk back to camp (yes, they're <em>walking,<em> because Steve's radio is broken) is long, and it takes most of the night. All she wants is to fall asleep, but she forces herself to stay awake as she marches next to Steve. She wants to lean on him, but she can't, not if she wants to keep up her disguise. Which she does, in fact.

It's daylight when they walk into camp, greeted by dozens of men. Some Bucky recognizes, some she doesn't. One person she definitely doesn't know is the woman who approaches Steve. She's got curly brown hair and killer red lipstick. And a British accent. She's somethin' special, all right (_something she can never be something foreign and strange)_. She introduces herself as Peggy Carter.

* * *

><p>Bucky has to fight the other men for a chance at the showers, but she finally gets her turn to stand under the lukewarm stream. She tips her head back, letting the water wash weeks of grime from her hair. She's going to have to cut it again soon; it had gotten long in the prison.<p>

She showers quickly, not wanting to be interrupted. Her clothes feel cold and scratchy when she puts them on, making sure her binding is in place (_it hurts like hell she forgot how much it hurt)_ before stepping back outside. She nods at Gabe Jones as she passes him.

She finds Steve in the command tent, talking to Col. Phillips and Peggy Carter. She nods to the woman, who is perched on the edge of Phillips' desk, and pulls around a stool to sit on. Steve looks over at her, and smiles, and she almost slaps herself because damnit, she's still not used to this new body of his (_it's the weirdest thing she's ever seen and she wants to ask how it's possible but she's afraid to)_. "Barnes, what are you doing here?" Phillips says.

"Steve's my best friend," she tells him. "If he gets to talk, I can too." Phillips sighs, but lets Bucky stay, which is about as good as she's going to get.

* * *

><p>They go out to a bar that night, Bucky, Steve, some of the men Bucky recognizes from the prison <em>(she still can't believe how many were there hundreds of them locked up)<em>. Carter's there too, barely saying two words to Bucky. She looks at Steve like he's the most amazing thing in the world, though, and for some reason Bucky is _jealous. _She could kick herself for acting like this. So she gets herself a beer and waits while Steve talks to some of the others. She recognizes Jones, and Dugan, but there are a couple others she doesn't know. She sips at her drink as she watches.

The men laugh, and Steve gets up, walking towards her. "They seem to be enjoying themselves," she says quietly as Steve joins her (_but she's not even if she feels like she should)_.

He nods. "Bucky," he starts, and she holds up a hand to stop him as she orders another drink. When she waves her hand for him to continue, he says, "I'm putting together a team."

Bucky laughs. "What, like a specialist team?" She takes a swig of her drink.

"Yes."

She pauses, her mouth open. "Oh. Well then." She raises the bottle to her lips again. "Those guys part of your group?"

Steve nods. "What about you? Will you follow Captain America?"

She's not really surprised by this. Dugan told her that he flew behind enemy lines - against orders - and broke into the base just to rescue her. Even if he didn't ask, she would follow him anyway, and he knows it. They've always stuck together, the two of them. So she nods, takes another drink. And she says, "That kid from Brooklyn who wouldn't stand down from a fight; I'm following him."

* * *

><p><strong>This chapter isn't very good, in my opinion, but hey! You met Peggy, finally. Thanks for reading!<strong>


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